A favorite device of freelance writers and bloggers looking for something to write about is to check calendars for awareness causes of the month.
I’ve done that in the past, writing about National Parks Month (August), and I’m sure I’ll do it again as I stretch the bounds of relevancy to fill cyberspace with my blog posts.
But I won’t do it for the month of June. No way. June is asking too much of me.
I’ve decided I don’t even like June anymore. June is not only extremely demanding but kind of a hypocrite.
June is like that toxic friend I should’ve parted ways with long ago.
Just look at this list of awareness causes I’ve compiled (i.e. copied and pasted) for the month of June:
- Adopt A Shelter Cat Month
- ALS Awareness Month
- Audio Book Month
- Cancer From The Sun Month
- Celibacy Awareness Month
- Child Vision Awareness Month
- Children’s Awareness Month
- Effective Communications Month
- Entrepreneurs Do It Yourself Marketing Month
- Fireworks Safety Month
- Great Outdoors Month
- Home Safety Month
- International Childhood Cancer Campaign Month
- International Men’s Month
- Lane Courtesy Month
- National Accordion Awareness Month
- National Aphasia Awareness Month
- National Bathroom Reading Month
- National Candy Month
- National Caribbean-American Heritage Month
- National Dairy Alternative Month
- National Dairy Month
- National Family Month
- National Flag Month
- National Fresh Fruit and Vegetables Month
- National LGBT Pride Month
- National Hunger Awareness Month
- National Iced Tea Month
- National Myasthenia Gravis Awareness Month
- National Papaya Month (also in September)
- National Rivers Month
- National Rose Month
- National Safety Month
- National Seafood Month
- National Smile Month (From May 18 to June 17)
- National Soul Food Month
- National Steakhouse Month
- National Student Safety Month
- National Tire Safety Month
- Perennial Gardening Month
- Pharmacists Declare War on Alcoholism Month
- Potty Training Awareness Month
- Professional Wellness Month
- Rebuild Your Life Month
- Sports America Kids Month
- Turkey Lover’s Month
- Vision Research Month
- World Infertility Month
[sources: http://womeninbusiness.about.com/od/diversityeventcalendars/a/nat-month-june.htm; http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_commemorative_months; http://www.epromos.com/education/calendars/]
Come on, June! Which it is? Do I enjoy my dairy this month, or my dairy alternative? If I participate in the great outdoors, aren’t I also risking cancer from the sun?
How can you expect me to think about hunger when you also want me to be aware of steakhouses and candy, and fresh fruits and vegetables, and papaya, and seafood, and soul food, AND loving turkey?
Speaking of loving, how can I be aware of celibacy while also focusing my awareness on children and family? And world infertility? And on INTERNATIONAL MEN?
I love international men, June. Just ask my friends.
Here’s the thing. If you’re so hung up on “effective communications,” why do you insist on throwing this giant list of tasks and issues and food groups at me, at once?
That is not effective communications, June.
Even worse, you only give me 30 days to pay attention to all of it. You should also be National Overwhelming Month, because that’s what I’m feeling right now!
And what’s with the bathroom fetish? Shining a bright light on bathroom reading and potty training is gross.
Oh and thanks for reminding me that I’m allergic to cats, which I love. I’d adopt a shelter cat if I could.
On top of all that, you expect me to smile? That takes some nerve, June. Especially when National Smile Month is from May 20 to June 20 – what is that? I call BS, June, because those dates don’t even constitute a calendar month!
God, you exhaust me. Every time we get together, I end up feeling this way. And all of the downer stuff you want me to dwell on, every year. It never changes.
Your obsession with safety, and diseases and debilitating conditions… Don’t get me wrong, June, I’m very sympathetic to these things. Bad stuff can happen to any of us at any time.
It’s just that one minute you’re up and the next minute you’re down. I never know what I’ll get from you, June. I’m tired of the drama.
So you know what? I think you and I need to go our separate ways. We just don’t work anymore.
My mother won’t like it, since her birthday is in the middle of you. I’ll still visit her and bring her a gift, I’ll just ignore you. Because, June, you don’t really deserve my kind regard and understanding anymore.
I’m moving on.
I’m going to skip you and go straight to July. Now that is one happy, grounded month that knows what it wants – long, hot days when people have cookouts, celebrate the 4th, and go to the beach.
It will be my favorite month from now on.
At least until the day I look up July’s list of awareness causes.